The times, they are a changin'

We may have experienced our first craving (does it bother you if I refer to "us" even when I'm really just talking about her?).  As Sara was getting ready for bed the other night she commented that she felt hungry and wanted a bologna sandwich with mustard.  We'll classify this as a craving for 2 reasons:

• Sara would normally choose death over a bologna sandwich.
• If she did choose a bologna sandwich, the last thing she'd want on it is mustard.  Mustard is an ingredient she'll cook with, but to put it on food is not something she does often, if ever.

This may have been a one time thing.  Last night, I mentioned bologna sandwiches with mustard as an option for dinner and she was pretty clear in letting me know that that no longer held any appeal.

I've been doing a lot of reading about pregnancy (I was told it was my job to be the designated researcher) and this really is an amazing process.  We were blown away that we could see the heart beat so early.  As of today our baby is almost half an inch long, and it looks like it grows about a half an inch per week from here on out.  The next doctors appointment is August 4.  I'm anticipating it, and find myself counting down days to specific points on the timeline on a pretty regular basis.

Other things that keep creeping through my head tend to be a little more selfish.  Things like watching TV without being interrupted (or just watching TV), snuggling up in the morning, making last minute plans to go out, etc. are all lifestyle things that have days which are numbered.  Sara and I have 14 years of togetherness that's about to be shaken to its core.  I'm not anticipating this in a bad way, just anxious about how big of a change it will be for two people who have not had to share themselves with anyone but each other to now have to devote a significant amount of energy and resources to another person.  That sounds a lot worse than I mean it to be (and I've tried re-writing it a dozen times.)  I guess that's why God gives us 9 months to figure it out and get used to things.

Still, I can't help feel like there are lots of positives to having waited so long to have kids as well.  Sara and I have an identity as a couple that's not bound up in other things or people..for now.  We have 14 years of just being ourselves and I feel like we've built a pretty solid foundation as far as who we are as people and as a couple.  I think some couples probably don't get to experience the relationship we have now until they finally get their kids out of the house.  That's not to say I think people who get married and have kids right away are making mistakes, I think they just experience some of life's pleasures in a different chronological order than we have.  Our feeling is that we know what's waiting on the other side of raising a family, so there won't be too many surprises when we get there.  How's that for thinking ahead? :) It's likely I'll be in my early 60's before it's back to just being the two of us.

A big challenge for me, even just 3 weeks in, is keeping this news a secret.  Each day it becomes more real for me, but the people around me have no idea.  The more Sara and I talk about things at home, the more self-censoring I find myself having to do in conversations at work, especially when planning out training sessions and other items for the next school year.  I spent yesterday morning in a planning session. I know I'm going to be taking some time off work in February/March, but it's hard to come up with reasons not to schedule training for those weeks without having a "why."  So far people haven't pushed me for the why, let's hope it stays that way for at least another 7 weeks.