Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Dear Sara,

Today was our official due date.  I know how much you didn't want to focus on a specific day, which is why we always just told people "the last week of February."  Of course, if Miranda was anything like you, she probably wouldn't have arrived for another week :)

I went back to work yesterday, just for a few hours in the evening.  It feels a little strange, but comforting at the same time.  At the end of the day, I still have to come home though, to our home, the home which I wish you were still here to be with me in. I'll go back tonight, and tomorrow night, and the night after.  It will eventually feel normal...I hope.

Sometimes I feel bad that I don't cry all day long every day.  But when I do it hurts so bad I can understand why my mind and body won't let it happen more than it does.

The rational part of my mind says there must be some logical reason this happened.  Some reason that God allowed this to happen.  What was coming that would have been worse than this?  That's the only thing that makes sense to me, that somehow God allowed this to spare me, us, from an even greater tragedy farther down the road.  It doesn't provide any comfort for my heart though.

I love you.  I love Miranda.  I miss you both so much, especially today.