Saturday, February 26, 2011

Family movie night...

...just isn't the same without you sitting by my side.

Aaron, Sarah, mom and dad came over and we watched a movie tonight. You would have liked it.  I'd have liked it better if you'd been here.

They've all gone home now and I am listening to music and watching pictures from our photo library scroll across the TV.  You have such a beautiful smile...and I miss it so much.  The tears sting and my throat hurts.  No matter how much I beg I can't go back to that horrible day and change anything.  All I want to do is go back and listen to that little voice in my head that kept saying we shouldn't bother traveling in that unexpected snow storm.

You're not supposed to be in Heaven right now.  You're supposed to be right here, sitting on the couch next to me, holding our newborn daughter and marveling over how beautiful she is.  The flowers on the bookshelf are supposed to be congratulatory not consolatory.  This broken world, enslaved by death, stole you both from me.  The fallen nature of man stepped in and interrupted God's perfect plan for us.  The Hope of the Resurrection seems so far away right now.  What will be a blink in the scope of eternity feels like it will last a thousand lifetimes.

I can't change history, I can only watch it float across my TV screen and hope that someday all those memories will fill me with fond remembrance instead of sadness.

I love you, I miss you.  Give Miranda a kiss from daddy.