Ten years...

"So, what have you learned in ten years?" 

One thing I have learned is that wondering about an alternate reality, where the accident never happened, can end up feeling uncomfortable. I think it is only naturally that we, as humans, do it. But if I dwell on it, I start to realize that it would mean the life I have today would never have happened, either, which is also painful to imagine. Playing the game of "what if" becomes a painful exercise in loss--loss of the "before" and loss of the "after." Again, natural to do it, natural to wish it, but I have learned to not dwell on it too long.

I have learned you never "get over it." You move forward.

I have learned parenting is exhausting.

I have learned parenting is rewarding.

Mostly, I have learned that, "It is going to be ok."

That is not a promise of perfection. It is not a promise of ease. It is not pain free. It is, often, not fair. It is simply...truth. The truth of my faith. The truth of my belief in the coming Resurrection and Restoration. A truth found time and time again throughout the scriptures. A few of my favorite examples:

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:34 (MSG)

"Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG)

"Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out. He’ll never let good people topple into ruin." Psalm 55:22 (MSG)

Ten years. It still hurts. It will always hurt.

But He reminds me, "It is going to be ok, hold my hand."

And so...

The world moves on.

Those who grieve move forward.

Part of moving forward is being able to recognize when the world has moved on.

Not just recognizing it, but also being OK with it.

That's what I spent my weekend thinking about.

I think it's time to let the world move on.

Even as I keep moving forward.

Ten years ago, our story dominated the local headlines for a few weeks.

Social media was new, not divisive like it is today.

The blog (this blog) I started when Sara got pregnant, and then continued after her death, was getting thousands of hits each month, for a long time.

The first year I did the Miranda Gift, people around the globe participated.

My journey with grief was an open book.

This weekend was really about me coming to grips with the rest of the world (in general) being ready to close that book...and move on.

And I'm at peace with that.

Moving forward, holding His hand.