Sunday, March 27, 2011

I'll Fly Away...

Dear Sara,

I went back to church this morning, my first time since the accident. Grief’s cold blade pierces deepest when I participate in activities from the old normal, the times and places when we would have been together just “doing life.” My tears started when I walked in the door. They eventually stopped flowing on the outside, but I can still feel them falling in my heart, even now.

The church youth lead the service today. One of the songs we sang was Jesus Loves Me. The last time I sang it was seven weeks ago, while I held our daughter, after they took her off life support. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to sing it again, it makes me cry just to think about it.

On my way home, the song I’ll Fly Away came on the radio. So much hope for those who are already gone and so much anticipation for those of us who have a great reunion to look forward to.

Some glad morning when this life is o’er, I'll fly away
To that home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

Oh how glad and happy when we meet, I'll fly away
No more cold iron shackles on my feet, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away
To a land where joy will never end, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away 

by Albert E. Brumley

I got home and listened to this song over and over. Its message doesn’t make me hurt less, but it gives me something to cling to and the tears sting a little less.

I love you. I miss you. Give Miranda a kiss from daddy.

Love,
Chad

10 comments:

  1. Here are some songs I want to share with you. I don't wish for you to cry more listening to these but I do think they are caring/loving songs. And even if they make you cry thats ok cause that means with every tear you are healing!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUjL6bVD2vw

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuE1XJ_uqOs

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj6MjMpbneM&feature=related

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YULKMNhEAuw This song I dedicated to my son that passed away in 2002 (he was still born)

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  2. Laura said:
    Those songs posted made me cry, thinking of you and what you're going through. I'm praying for some comfort and healing for you. I'm going to ask my church in Traverse city, MI to do the same.

    Laura

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  3. I'll Fly Away was played at our son's funeral (music being played as people came in for the viewing and waiting for the service to begin). I treasure that song. :o)

    I am glad that you went back to church. It's so hard to take those steps to go back to some sort of "normal," but it's a healthy way to move forward. Life wil never be normal again for you and my family and I, or anyone who has lost a child or a spouse. But we have hope through the Lord to continue on, and to one day be in glory with our loved ones! Heaven is so attractive to me now! I cannto wait to meet my Creator and see my son. :o) God bless you! You are doing so well...keep the faith. YOU CAN DO IT!

    Philippians 4:13

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  4. I have had that song in my head all day today, as this morning three of my family members (while extended, they were very much a part of my life) were all killed in a plane crash. It was a father/mother/son, leaving a son behind. The Son left a wife and 4 children and I have no idea why that song instantly popped in my head. Maybe because I can see them singing it in the church.
    Hope that this song continues to give you some peace and understanding!

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  5. Good morning Chad! We may have met - don't know. My daughter Jo & her family attend the Chelsea Nazarene church. I have been blogging since 2006.

    Praying for you during this time - God bless.

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  6. Chad,

    Woke up this morning and really prayed for you. Still hoping that you will find comfort and peace in the midst of your sorrow. While I cannot possibly fathom what you are going through, it is encouraging to know you did return to church yesterday.

    2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord [be] with you all."

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  7. Dear Chad --

    The following is taken from my blog -- posted March 12, 2008. Continuing to pray for you daily.

    Hugs - Moonrise
    ----------------
    During a time of pitch black darkness the following words were my only light. I can relate to the images of our beautiful world (sunset, stars, mountains and ocean waves) mentioned in this song as I see God's fingerprints written all over nature. I post this for those who find themselves in a dark place. I ask God to provide a glimmer of light and hope to each hurting, hopeless person. Nothing is impossible or to hard for God, difficult impossible situations are His specialty. Peace.

    He'll Find A Way
    Words and Music by: Donna Douglas
    From the CD: He'll Find A Way
    Artist: Billy and Sarah Gaines

    At times the load is heavy
    At times the road is long
    When circumstances come your way
    And you think you can't go on
    When you're feeling at your weakest
    Jesus will be strong
    He'll provide an answer
    When you found all hope is gone
    He'll find a way

    For I know that if He can paint a sunset
    And put the stars in place
    I know if He can raise up mountains
    And calm the storm-tossed waves
    And if He can conquer death forever
    To open heaven's gates -
    Then I know for you, I know for you
    He'll find a way

    And at times your heart is breaking
    With a pain that's so intense
    All you hold are broken pieces
    To a life that makes no sense
    He wants to lift you up and hold you
    And mend each torn event
    He'll pick up the pieces
    That you thought had all been spent
    He'll find a way

    For I know that if He can paint a sunset
    And put the stars in place
    I know if He can raise up mountains
    And calm the storm-tossed waves
    And if He can conquer death forever
    To open heaven's gates --
    Then I know for you, I know for you
    He'll see you through
    He'll find a way

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  8. Chad, We have not met, but I found myself thinking of you and your family very strongly and suddenly in church yesterday. I was surprised to learn that yesterday was your first day back to your church. Please know that many are praying for you. I know those songs can be hard to hear, but keep the message in your heart- Jesus does love you, as you well know. Wishing you peace, strength and courage. Take care of yourself

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Thanks,
Chad