Saturday, March 19, 2011

To sleep or not to sleep...

Dear Sara,

It’s late…well, it feels late. We used to stay up this late all the time, and it never felt like this…now it just feels late. I’m tired. It doesn’t help that I’m fighting a cold.

I find myself staying up later than we did when you were here. It’s not because I can’t sleep, it’s probably more that I don’t like going to bed when you’re not there. It just doesn’t feel right crawling into a half-empty bed.

Today marks six weeks. For the first time in my life, I’m wishing I didn’t have a good memory with dates. I know it used to drive you a little crazy when I’d pop a “do you remember what day today is” on you.  Things like October 27…our first date…our first dance…our first kiss. What will February 5 mean to me a year from now? Five years? Ten years? It’s a bittersweet day…I guess I don’t have to explain. Will it bother you if I choose to celebrate Miranda’s birthday on a different day? I don’t know how I feel about that yet, but it’s something I’ve thought about.

I need to go to bed, to rest, to get over this cold. The walk from the family room to the bedroom seems unusually far...especially tonight.

I love you. I miss you. Give Miranda a kiss from daddy.



  1. Hope your cold gets better Chad...Still thinking of you and sending prayers from Massachusetts.

  2. Happy first day of Spring. I hope you get to feeling better. Still praying for you and your family. God Bless!

  3. Hope your cold goes away soon.
    Thinking of you and praying for you.

  4. Continuing to think of you during this most difficult time in your life. My heart aches for your loss.


  5. Chad, sometimes nights can be the loneliest time in the world, thats when you turn it over to your Higher Power. Sara and Miranda are with you. Keep an eye on your cold, with the emotional trama you've been threw, the cold can get worse, so make sure you drink lots of liquids and take care of yourself.
    Thank you for allowing us to go on this journey with you. God is good !!!!

  6. I know you have probably heard this over and over. It gets better with time. Being that you lost two very close, dear loved ones, it will take a long time. I say this not to discourage you, but to assure you that the Lord created grief. It's a healthy process we must endure to heal...not forget our loved ones, but to heal and get back to a "new normal" at one point in time. Perhaps a year, two, or five from now? I don't know. I just know it hurts like heck to lose a child. It's not fun, it's not fair. But His glory has shined in our tragedy. (Plus you not only lost a child, you lost your soul mate). Know this: The Lord has plans to heal you, to keeo you, to cause you no harm. He has mighty things ahead for you, but He wants you to rest in Him.

    His glory has shined in your tragedy! :o) I am sure that right now that doesn't make the sting go away, but just know that you are being prayed for and thought about often by perhaps thousands of folks out there.

    Prayers for a restful night so that your weary mind and body can rest.

  7. You could always celebrate Miranda's life on the anniversary of the day you found out you were going to be a daddy.

    Take care of yourself, hope you feel better soon.

    We're still praying for you.

  8. lifting you up tonight to a father who can help you through this devastating time in your life. lean hard on him. there are no words to comfort. just know so many are still praying for you on a daily basis.

  9. I agree with the post above me! I think its so right to celebrate her birthday on a different day, the day you found out she existed... or the day her heart started beating (that was always a special day to us, the day the pregnancy became "real" and that every heartbeat after that would lead our little girls one step farther away from us.... there's alot of life to be lived with every heartbeat, even if Miranda's was inside her momma, you still got to love her, cherish her, protect her....) Good night sweet friend! We love you and are praying for you always!


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