I’m bored…or maybe not. Maybe I’m just listless. I find myself having about 3 to 4 good hours of activity most days. Then the rest of the day just feels empty. I’m not complaining, ‘cuz I don’t feel like doing anything…maybe I’m just killing time until I leave for my motorcycle travels.
In most regards, I’m looking forward to my upcoming trips. I’ll be seeing new places, lots of new places, and new people, lots of new people, but I also know I’m going to have to work through the guilt of being gone. I know that I don’t have any reason to feel guilty, but it’s something I just won’t be able to help. I’ll never forget how frustrated you were at the end of that first year of my having a motorcycle; how oblivious I’d been to the fact that going on all my weekend rides had made you feel ignored. It was a hard lesson to learn, but learn it I did. I hope the balance we found was good, you never mentioned anything about it after that first time, so I think I did a pretty good job of making sure I spent more time with you than I did with the motorcycle. Three months ago I was thinking about selling it, to make sure that making time for you and the baby would never be a problem…there might be some guilt to work through from that perspective, too.
If you’re not too busy worshipping God and enjoying Heaven, you may want to peek in on Stevie from time to time while I’m gone. I’m having a house sitter stay with him, but I know it will still be tough on him with both of us gone. I’ve been trying to break him of the habit of wanting to drink out of the faucet in the tub. The first day Katu was gone, with her new owner, it was the first thing he did. He ran straight to the tub, hopped in, and looked up at me with expectant eyes. Teaching him to drink out of the faucet was cute…when you were around to do it. I moved his water bowl from the bathroom counter into the tub. He just stares at it like it’s beneath him to drink out of a bowl now.
The pictures of you and Miranda are going up around the house. I find I can only work on a couple at a time, so they’re going up slowly, but it’s nice to look around and see your smiling face on a regular basis.
I love you. I miss you. Give Miranda a kiss from daddy.
Love,
Chad
Hi Chad - I stumbled to your blog via another blog (I can't remember which one, sorry!)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you've been dealt this crappy hand :( You see, I, to am a widow! I'm 40 and I'm a widow?? I never wanted to be in THAT club - that's for people in their 70s and 80s, isn't it?
My husband died 4 years ago and we have 3 children - they were 2, 7, & 9 when he died. The busyness sustained me but when it got quiet and friends stopped calling as much is when I truly felt the loving embrace of God.
Please know that this stranger will be praying that you always feel the loving embrace of God. When you don't feel like praying or finding the good in any of it, please know that I'll be praying on your behalf.
God bless you, Chad! I'm so very, very sorry!
Kelly O (Indiana)
Chad, I do not know you, I came across your blog a couple of weeks ago and found myself bawling, sitting at my desk at work. I am so sorry for your losses and am in awe of your strength. When it is time for you to join your girls in heaven you will have such an amazing reunion. I'm thinking of you and praying for you & your healing. - Kait,20,Pa
ReplyDeletestill reading...and still keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteChad,
ReplyDeleteSuch a cute picture of your wife. You are still in my prayers.
Safe travels. May you find an inner peace. I'm sure that your darling Sara and baby Miranda will be watching over you. Your writings are such an inspiration for many others who are or have experienced such loss as yourself.
ReplyDeleteThinking and praying for you. Ruth
Still reading, praying and in awe at your ability to make us all feel like we know not only you, but Miranda and Sara as well! May God protect you and hold you in the palm of his hand when you're out traveling.... and when you're at home! I was wondering what Sara's favorite flower was? Would love to plant something in our garden in memory of her and sweet Miranda!
ReplyDeleteIn Him,
Dawn
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteShe loved roses, and lilies, and just about anything but weeds.
Chad
Please keep safe on your travels.Will you continue to write? I sure hope so.You inspire me so much with your wonderful ability to write, to make me feel as though I know you.
ReplyDeleteYou are forever in my daily thoughts.May your spirit find some peace as you travel.
Thanks again for sharing your stories.
ReplyDeletePraying still. God is good.
Chad,
ReplyDeleteSounds like its time to find a fun thing to do. You enjoy and keep the wind behind your back. Another wonderful picture of Sara, I never get tired of seeing her or pictures of Miranda, God did good work with those 2........
Time to change your scenery for now, look at all the beauty in Gods work, might change your focus and help you to feel better. I know as do others posting here that Sara will be happy you are doing something you love to do. She'll be with you in sprit during your riding. My father in law got me on his bike 1 time and 1 time only, I was soooo scared I ripped his shirt and tee shirt yelling to let me off...... Im not a bike rider. Motorcycles are for the brave.....
Got a book you might enjoy, called 'WHEN GOD WINKS AT YOU' by Squire Rushnell. I think it will help you, also if you havent already, please consider reading ' THE SHACK' another one that really encouraged me.
Happy trails my friend, keep posting about your coming adventures !! Be safe, be well.
Thanks Chad! What's her favorite color/s? Every year we plant something to remember our friends who passed due to Domestic Violence, our angel babies in Heaven, and loved one's Gone but not forgotten..... ;)
ReplyDeleteIn Him,
Dawn
Dear Chad,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your losses.
I am amazed by your faith and strength. I was speechless when I found out what had happened. I admire you so much!
I just want to know, I will pray for you and Sara and little Miranda,
You are not alone! :)
Have a save travel!
Beca (Mexico)
"If you're not too busy worshipping God and enjoying heaven..." What a beautiful picture. Continue to check your blog and pray for you daily. Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know we're still here listening and praying. Striving to live in kindness to honor your girls...
ReplyDeleteStill here, still reading, still praying...lifting you up in prayer Chad. Praying for strength.
ReplyDeleteHi Chad - So sorry you have to go thru this heartache - no one understands why things like this happen. I just looked at the beautiful pics of Miranda. What a pretty baby!! If you have any strength to do so, I thought you might pray for a woman in Michigan - Charity, and her two daughters. While they were away her husband, Derek, and 6 mos old baby died when their house caught on fire. Derek was a youth pastor. Lots of lives affected. I know you would be able to pray for her with more understanding and empathy.
ReplyDeletePsalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Apart from Him there is no hope. May you feel His loving arms around you, lifting you and carrying you when you feel like you can't go on.
Chad, I know there's a bunch of bikers looking forward to meeting you next week. Wish I could make it. Enjoy the ride, friends (old and new) and the fellowship.
ReplyDeleteRide safe,
Robyn
The VR
Thank you for sharing your photos with us.
Safe travels. I hope it's therapeutic for you. Thinking of you and praying for you often.
ReplyDeleteLaura
Chad, I am a friend of Elise. I had given her contact info to share with you for a young man who lost his wife 2 weeks after the birth of their daughter. I know he knows firsthand what you are going through. He too is a man of deep faith and mentioned to me that perhaps reaching out to others is part of the bigger picture in all this. His name is Brady Sullivan - bradsulli@gmail.com. His blog is http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com/. He had also shared his phone #, which Elise said she has passed along to you. I just wanted to reiterate that he is available. Sometimes it helps some just to have someone who knows...
ReplyDeleteAlso, read Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo. Wonderful book - amazing, true story. I believe you will find a great sense of peace in it. You are in my prayers. God bless you - Jean (hoping this doesn't post twice.. I had some trouble!)
I laughed out loud at your "irritation" with Sara for teaching Stevie to drink from the faucet. I have taught one of my cats to do just that and it drives my husband nuts!. I know full well that if something awful happened to me he would be saying the exact same thing.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your travels....may they they bring you peace.
Beth
Chad - My prayers go out to you. I wondered if you have heard of the book by Neil Peart (drummer for the band Rush)? Its called "Ghost Rider", I read it last year. He had some pretty tragic things happen to him. He decided the only way to heal his broken soul was to ride his motorcycle cross county, rebuilding himself with every mile. As you mentioned riding your bike, I think this book may be a perfect read for you. If you would like I would give you my copy...
ReplyDelete-Wayne M