"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach."
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
One year ago today, my life changed forever. It was one year ago today that mommy and I found out that you were going to be a part of our lives. It’s hard to describe how different things are, how much harder they are, than what we had imagined just one year ago today. The unspeakable joy replaced by unspeakable grief. Tears of joy replaced by tears of sadness.
On this Father’s Day, I know that you are in the presence of The Father. I know that you will never have to feel the pain, both physical and emotional, that this world imparts to those of us who remain. I know that you are experiencing joy on a magnitude that you never would have experienced here. And yet, knowing all this doesn’t take the hurt away. Knowing where you are, knowing how good the place you are is, knowing that someday I will join you there, knowing these things does not fill the hole left behind by your absence.
Today is not what it was supposed to be, not what the joy of a year ago had promised. I thank God every day that I had 3 precious days with you, but my heart aches for today. My heart cries out to God and wants to know why my precious little girl isn’t here in my arms. My heart points to the emptiness of losing you and wonders why God could not have intervened and allowed me to celebrate this day the way it was meant to be celebrated. My heart loves you and wants to have you here, it always will.
My dear, sweet, perfect daughter, I will always love you. You will always be my firstborn, daddy’s little girl. There will never be another like you.
I love you. I miss you. Give mommy a kiss from daddy.