Sunday, June 19, 2011

Love. Always...

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Dear Sara,

One year…365 days…the world is so different from what it was supposed to be.

That night, one year ago today, was supposed to be the end. The test was supposed to be the one to confirm our fears, the one that would prompt a call to the doctor’s office on Monday morning, to set up the visit where we would let them know that we had come as far as we were willing to come and that our journey to parenthood would have to take a different path. I waited quietly in the family room for you to return with the bad news. You shouted my name and I panicked. My heart raced as I ran up to the bathroom to see what was wrong. There you stood, in shock, holding the test…with two pink lines. So much joy, so much hope, so wanted, so longed for, so unexpected…our little secret.

The journey was too fast. The end came much to soon, in so many different ways. So many stories left unwritten. So many kisses unkissed. So many hugs unhugged. So many songs left unsung. So many paths unexplored. So much life unlived.

Thank you for giving me 15 great years. Thank you for being a loving and kind wife. Thank you for being a passionate lover. Thank you for giving me the great gift of a beautiful daughter. Thank you for being a pure child of The Father.

I realize today that you were never mine. You were simply on loan to me from God. Even though my heart questions why he allowed this to happen, I know that you’re singing with the angels, praising the King of Kings, and experiencing love, life, and joy in ways that I can’t even begin to comprehend.

I love you. I miss you. Give Miranda a kiss from daddy.



  1. Thank you, Chad. Praying for you......

  2. Such a beautiful tribute, thank you for sharing that today.

  3. Chad,
    I have been waiting for this day for you for weeks now. I came to know your story through a college friend of Sara's when we were all praying so hard for Miranda. I too found out on June 19th that i was pregnant (with what would be my twins who are 7 after 3 years and on our second attempt at IVF) and the next year on June 19th my best friend's dad died suddenly and too early, the next one I again (and by a miracle of God's grace) was pregnant again. Last year the same best friend (who is the same one who led me to your story) ended her marriage on this day. I am not quite sure how our lives became entwined on this day but they did. My heart aches for you often, and you remain on my prayer list for God's grace to show you the path he has planned.

  4. "God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."
    Elizabeth Barrett Browning "I Love This quote!"

    Dear Chad~ Thank you for sharing yet another heartfelt blog. God Bless and Happy Father's Day to you.

  5. Chad, your words are so precious its almost like we are entuding into your personal territory. They make me cry, they make me want to be your protecter from harm, but I know by your words you are not in need of a protecter . Thank you for allowing us to be part of your pain, I think we will always have an attachment to you. God bless you.


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