Just like Christmas morning...

It's quite possible that you'll all find out about this in just a couple of days. :)

September 12 really is just too far away.  When Sara got home from work the other night, she commented that it's been getting harder and harder to "suck it in" so the folks she works with don't notice that she's starting to show (not a whole lot mind you, but just enough that it's unrealistic to think we'll make it another 4 weeks without having to come clean.)

With that in mind, this may just be the weekend.  I talked to her today and I think she's in agreement that now that we're more than 13 weeks in, we might as well just get this one little detail out of the way.  And it will actually be a relief.  I've never been great at keeping secrets, especially good ones.  I'm lucky that we typically don't buy each other extravagant Christmas and birthday gifts (if we buy any at all.)  If I buy a gift for her more than a few days in advance, I have a horrible time not just giving it too her.  The fact that I've made it to mid-August is actually quite a feat.

Waiting until September 12th and announcing it to our parents on Grandparent's day would have been neat, but it also would have been almost half way through the pregnancy.  I think any of you who have had a baby can probably attest to the fact that hiding something like this at 17 weeks would be more than just a little difficult.

Maybe she'll talk me out of it, maybe not.  If she doesn't you'll all have the scoop by Monday morning!

Time is slipping away...

I was just reading through all my posts, it seems like I just posted a couple of days ago but it's been almost 2 weeks!  Like I said earlier, as we approach the start of the school year, time just gets a away from me at work.  I haven't had a day off since we got home from Boston, but I'm planning on taking this next weekend off, no matter how big the fires at work have gotten.  A man's gotta rest at some point.

The shrimp is getting to the point of needing to add a "jumbo" in front (have people always compared the size of their developing baby to food, i.e. peanut, pea-pod, peach pit. apple, etc.?)  With almost 4 weeks to go until we plan on telling everyone, Sara is at the point of hoping people just think she's getting fat.  In my heart of hearts, I'm pretty sure I've never met a woman who actually hoped people thought she was gaining weight. :)

We're 13 weeks in now.  Clothes are starting to become a problem.  Old clothes don't fit, actual maternity clothes are too big.  Shopping for maternity clothes can be surprisingly difficult, when you're trying to keep something like this a secret.  It might be awkward to explain why you're in the maternity section holding clothes up to see how they might look/fit if someone you know walks by, and Murphy's law pretty much assures that they will.  However, Sara has been able avoid it somewhat by shopping during the day, when most people we know are working.  She doesn't work on Tuesday and Wednesday and most of the people shopping in the early afternoon don't know her from Eve (that's probably the nicest way of saying the average shopper on a Tuesday afternoon is a little older than our friends and my parents friends...in fact, they're pretty darn old.)

Of course, as the time seems to go by quickly for me, it's kind of dragging for her.  She's looking forward to that 2nd trimester when most women get a little of their energy back.  Maybe then I can talk her into mowing the lawn on those days of work... :)

Thumpity, thump, thump.....

We got to hear our babies heartbeat this morning.  Everything sounded good to us and good to the mid-wife doing the exam.  She confirmed that we're at 11 weeks which means the shrimp is a little over 1.5 inches long now.  Just a couple more weeks and everything that makes up a baby will be there.  The mid-wfie said that after about the 13th week it's mostly just growth, with little development of new parts and pieces.

Hearing the heartbeat got me thinking, I'm starting to wonder if the "information age"is having a negative impact on people's reactions to these things that used to cause great joy.  We've been doing our homework, so we kind of know what to expect at the appointments.  We heard the heartbeat, smiled, and that was about it.  I think the mid-wife was expecting a little more of a reaction, but we've both heard babies heartbeats on the internet and in videos prior to this...a lot, so hearing it was mostly just comforting, not a surprise.  The same thing happened when we had the ultrasound at the clinic in Ann Arbor; we were happy, but neither of us started crying, shouting, jumping around, or were overcome with emotion.  You could tell that the doctor was probing for more of a response than he seemed to be getting during the ultrasound.  

Has information numbed us to joy?  Are the surprises of yesterday just expectations today?  Of course, I'm not just talking about our pregnancy, I mean as a society as a whole.  Does having practically unlimited access to more information than we can possibly comprehend make us a little less human?

Either way, we're excited, even if it doesn't show in the exam room!

Another visit to the doctor coming up on September 1, followed by the big announcement on September 12 (sorry if you feel left out, we're only planning on inviting our parents for that,) then we'll finally get an ultrasound in late September or early October.  By the time we go back to the doctor again, shrimp should have outgrown the nickname and be about 4 inches from head to rump.  By the time we get to the ultrasound, over 6 inches.

PS - As I was listening to the current Brett Favre drama on the way home from work today, it occurred to me that Brett, who is 2 years and 3 months older than me, has a 4 month old grandson right now.  How weird is that?

Time flies...unless you're pregnant...

It's been a little over 6 weeks since we first found out.  For me that time has flown by...not so much for Sara.  Apparently being pregnant makes every day drag on in an endless eternity of discomfort and pain. OK, that may be a bit hyperbolic, but I'm pretty sure it seems to be going a lot faster for me than it is for her.

We've made it through the big July 4 camping weekend, a couple of big family get togethers, and a week in Boston with her sisters.  So far, no slips, which is pretty amazing.  With so many people we know having babies, and the reality of it something we talk about every day, I'm amazed that neither of us has let it slip out, absentmindedly, in a conversation yet.

Once you all find out, I hope you don't mind that we waited so long to tell.

Out planned "coming out" event is just a month away now.  That time will be over before I know it.  Work is kicking into high gear as we prepare for the new school year.  Daily training sessions start next Monday and I've still got 3 or 4 weeks of catch up work from last year in my queue.  No rest for me until Labor Day, which may be a good thing.  The more focused I am on work, the less time I spend thinking about the "shrimp" (the official name now bestowed upon our offspring) during the work day.  The less time I spend thinking about the shrimp, the less likely I am to spill the beans without meaning to. :)

Back to my poor dear wife...

I'm surprised she didn't just blurt it out while we were in Boston, especially the first couple of days when she was trying to keep up with her sisters.  They were pretty active during the day, out and about, shopping and doing lots of walking.  I'm learning that lots of activity isn't something most pregnant women enjoy.  She was completely pooped by the end of the first day.  She hung on (and out) as long as she could before succumbing to "shrimp exhaustion."  So Sue and Felicia, now you now, your big sister was feeling sluggish for a reason.

The trip to Boston helped me gain some perspective, too.  It was probably the last big trip event we'll do as just a couple for another 20 years, maybe more.  As we did our sight-seeing I got the warm fuzzies thinking about how in the near future, these types of things will be "family" events, not just the two of us.

Our first official appointment with the doctor here at home is coming up in two days.  I think we're both a little anxious and curious about what's going to happen.  We had our last appointment, and confirmation of the pregnancy, in Ann Arbor over a month ago.  Even with everything we've been reading about the process, it feels like we still don't know what to expect.  Going to a doctor here definitely makes it seem more real (not that it hasn't already felt real, it just MORE real now.)

September 12 feels like it's right around the corner....for one of us anyway.

The times, they are a changin'

We may have experienced our first craving (does it bother you if I refer to "us" even when I'm really just talking about her?).  As Sara was getting ready for bed the other night she commented that she felt hungry and wanted a bologna sandwich with mustard.  We'll classify this as a craving for 2 reasons:

• Sara would normally choose death over a bologna sandwich.
• If she did choose a bologna sandwich, the last thing she'd want on it is mustard.  Mustard is an ingredient she'll cook with, but to put it on food is not something she does often, if ever.

This may have been a one time thing.  Last night, I mentioned bologna sandwiches with mustard as an option for dinner and she was pretty clear in letting me know that that no longer held any appeal.

I've been doing a lot of reading about pregnancy (I was told it was my job to be the designated researcher) and this really is an amazing process.  We were blown away that we could see the heart beat so early.  As of today our baby is almost half an inch long, and it looks like it grows about a half an inch per week from here on out.  The next doctors appointment is August 4.  I'm anticipating it, and find myself counting down days to specific points on the timeline on a pretty regular basis.

Other things that keep creeping through my head tend to be a little more selfish.  Things like watching TV without being interrupted (or just watching TV), snuggling up in the morning, making last minute plans to go out, etc. are all lifestyle things that have days which are numbered.  Sara and I have 14 years of togetherness that's about to be shaken to its core.  I'm not anticipating this in a bad way, just anxious about how big of a change it will be for two people who have not had to share themselves with anyone but each other to now have to devote a significant amount of energy and resources to another person.  That sounds a lot worse than I mean it to be (and I've tried re-writing it a dozen times.)  I guess that's why God gives us 9 months to figure it out and get used to things.

Still, I can't help feel like there are lots of positives to having waited so long to have kids as well.  Sara and I have an identity as a couple that's not bound up in other things or people..for now.  We have 14 years of just being ourselves and I feel like we've built a pretty solid foundation as far as who we are as people and as a couple.  I think some couples probably don't get to experience the relationship we have now until they finally get their kids out of the house.  That's not to say I think people who get married and have kids right away are making mistakes, I think they just experience some of life's pleasures in a different chronological order than we have.  Our feeling is that we know what's waiting on the other side of raising a family, so there won't be too many surprises when we get there.  How's that for thinking ahead? :) It's likely I'll be in my early 60's before it's back to just being the two of us.

A big challenge for me, even just 3 weeks in, is keeping this news a secret.  Each day it becomes more real for me, but the people around me have no idea.  The more Sara and I talk about things at home, the more self-censoring I find myself having to do in conversations at work, especially when planning out training sessions and other items for the next school year.  I spent yesterday morning in a planning session. I know I'm going to be taking some time off work in February/March, but it's hard to come up with reasons not to schedule training for those weeks without having a "why."  So far people haven't pushed me for the why, let's hope it stays that way for at least another 7 weeks.

Cat's still in the bag

We wrapped up our 4th of July successfully. Four straight days spent with close family and friends, and we managed to get through it without letting our little secret slip out. In the end, it wasn't as hard as I had thought it might be. Speaking for myself, it was mostly just watching what I said and being careful not to tip my hand, especially during conversations about "the future."

We've decided that we're going to try not telling anyone until September. The goal is to first tell our parents on Grandparents Day (September 12 for those of you who keep track of these things) and follow up with our family and friends soon after.  We'll see if we can make it. :)

We know that the reaction of most people will probably be pure shock. We'll have celebrated our 14th anniversary prior to telling people. At this point most of our friends and family have probably just assumed having kids was something we'd never do.

We've always wanted a family, the sticking point's just been getting it started. We weren't sure if we'd even be able to have our own kids, so we'd talk about adoption periodically, but we never put any plans in motion (life's what happens while you're making plans, right.) I guess we just reached a point where the desire to try outgrew the fear of trying. It's been a long road since we made that decision, and doubt has been an ever growing obstacle, so we're just as shocked as you are :)

September 12 seems like both an eternity away and like it's right around the corner. From one perspective it's 10 weeks away, over two months! That seems like a long time to wait and tell anyone. From another perspective it seem's like it's going to fly by. We have "events" taking place the next 4 weekends in a row, and my work schedule is going to keep me super busy well into the start of September. August will be here before you know it, and for me it's going to fly by (even if it is one day at a time.)

One of my worries at this point is that I'll end up missing out on some of the "doctory" stuff that will happen between now and the end of the first trimester. Starting August 9, my schedule is jam packed with training events right up until Labor Day weekend. Between now and August 9 I have a lot of work to do getting ready for that training. Sara hasn't scheduled anything with a local OBGYN yet (last trip to IVF Michigan was the day before we went on vacation) so I'll just have to wait and see when things get scheduled. They did finally hire me a co-worker to help with the work load, but he just officially started on July 1, and has minimal experience right now. We have 15 work days where we'll both be at work between now and August 9 and I've got to get him trained to the point where he can lead training on his own. Like I said, each day will probably seem long, but they are going to fly by at the same time.

Wouldn't it be nice...

Now that we're into "full blown acknowledgement" mode, but still in "our little secret" mode, too, we find ourselves both relishing things that will be our last "just the two of us" moments as well as thinking forward to "what will this be like with a baby?"

We're camping this weekend, the annual 4th of July camping trip we take every year, to Somerset Beach Campground, with anyone from my mom's family who can make it. If everyone came, we'd have 34 people. For various reasons we usually hold steady at about 25. What makes this year different is that there will be at least 4 new babies (God willing) eligible to make their first 4th of July camping trip next summer. Having babies at camp is nothing new, we've been through it 4 times in the past few years now. However, having OUR new baby at camp is a somewhat terrifying (pleasantly terrifying) thought.

Of course, everyone but Sara and me only knows about the "other" three babies. At times, it's been difficult keeping that secret. In the course of conversation, someone will mention the three new babies next year, and I find myself holding back a "no, four." Other times, it's hard not to bring it into the conversation. In thinking ahead to what camping will be like with a 4 month old baby, we'd like to change lots next year so that we're not so close to the nightly campfire noise, but it's hard to express that without expressing the why. Instead I probably just come across as a crotchety old fart (which, admittedly, I am becoming.)

One of the big challenges this year has been trying to avoid the "pregnant" conversations. My cousin is expecting her second later this year, and her brother's wife is expecting their first in just a few months. They have both been camping with us and my other cousin, who didn't make it this year, is expecting his first in just a few short weeks. As I've mentioned before, Sara and I have both typically shied away from the "here's what my pregnancy/delivery was like" conversations.   In a setting like this it can be kind of funny to watch and see how quickly either of us can get up and move away, without it looking too obvious, when such a conversation starts up. Bless you all for caring and sharing, but we really want to experience as much of this as possible without having any preconceived notions or expectations. We're just not at a point where hearing other people's stories (horror, funny, or otherwise) is helpful for either of us.  A time may come when it is, but just not yet.

It's been a fun four days, knowing something that everyone else doesn't know, and looking forward to a completely new experience next year. No matter what, it's is sure to be different. :)

One, two, three strikes....

Today was the day! We visited the IVF Michigan in Ann Arbor for our last visit with Dr. Ayers; but, most importantly for an ultrasound to confirm what we've known/suspected for the past 11 days...it's a baby.

Of course, we knew it was going to be a baby, despite the dreams Sara has been having about having puppies (can I get a LOL?) But we've had our worries. When you have difficulty getting pregnant, sometimes it can feel like things are bound to go wrong, even when they're going right. You try and fail. You try and fail. When something good happens, acceptance isn't as easy as you'd think it would be, regardless of how happy you may be.

Anywho, our fears/concern/anxieties/worries have been alleviated (at least until the next round kick in.) According to the doctor everything seems to be good and he thinks we'll have a (one) baby sometime between February 14 and February 28.

Two down, one to go....

The reality of things is still setting in.

Positive home pregnancy test...check!

Positive blood test...check!

Trip to the doctors office...next week.....

An overall feeling of excitement has started to creep in, but I think we're both still waiting for that final "check" before we finally feel like this is for real and happening. It's not that we doubt the results of the first 2 test, and it's not that we're not happy. We're extremely happy, just reserved in that happiness.

That reservation is probably a result of the process and some of what we've been through in trying to get here. We first started this process almost 16 months ago. For those of you who get pregnant just at the thought of having a baby, we're a little jealous. We've fallen into the category of those who need a little pharmaceutical help in this area. The frustrating part for us was knowing going into it that this was our most likely reality, but it didn't feel like we could convince the doctors of it. They were determined that we should just let nature take it's course and THEN if nothing happened they'd start checking into things. I guess that's fine for most people, but we're not most people and, without going into the details, we had some insight that said there might be some extra challenges to overcome.  It took us 13+ years to get to the point of really wanting this to happen. Having to wait almost a year and a half, and endure the doctors visits, takes some of the shine off the apple. 

One of the hardest parts has been watching other people "get it right." Since we started trying:

• one of my cousins had a baby about 1 month into our process
• my brother and his wife had their 3rd child about 5 months into our process
• another of my cousins announced their pregnancy about 8 months into our process
• two more of my cousins announced their pregnancies about 11 months into our process, one a first timer, one on her 2nd
• one of my wife's cousins announced her 2nd about a month ago

We're really happy for all of these people, honestly, but I'd be lying if I told you we weren't jealous and frustrated watching other family and friends enjoy the experience we've been longing to have ourselves.

With this in mind, we hope you'll all understand why we didn't rush right out and tell everyone. Add into the mix that we're both first borns and we both want to go through this process as a couple, without a lot of preconceived (no pun intended) notions about what to expect.

We're less than a week in, fully expecting that this will be our happy little secret for at least a few months.

Timing is everything...

Ironically, yesterday was Father's Day. :)

Less than 24 hours after finding out that fatherhood seems to be impending, I had to leave my beautiful bride, Sara, for a 3 day conference. On my way out of town I stopped by Culver's to grab some lunch via the drive through. When I pulled up to the window to pay and get my grub, the cashier asked if I was a father...I'm pretty sure she must have thought I was mentally challenged based on the look that was probably on my face and the way I fumbled with my response, "uhhh....huh?....no, not yet anyway....uhhhhh." Apparently they were giving away free frozen custard to fathers. :)

I was expecting some type of euphoria to have set in by now, but mostly I find myself in a state of disbelief. Can this really be happening? Will that euphoric feeling ever arrive? Mostly I'm starting to feel more nervous at the prospect of being a father.